


What a catch

by livesybaby



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Songfic, aaron pining, idk what this is, inside aarons head, random monologue thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 13:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13365903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livesybaby/pseuds/livesybaby
Summary: Songfic based on Fall Out Boy - What a Catch, Donnie





	What a catch

_I got troubled thoughts_   
_And the self-esteem to match_   
_What a catch, what a catch_

Throw me at any eligible gay guy, that’s the plan - I worked it out a long time ago. Anyone who’s strictly _Not!Robert_. But I don’t think I’m ready to be turned inside out by someone new, someone to learn all my quirks and troubles. Someone to know me as well as he does and work out whether they’re going to stick around for the long-haul or leave me high and dry. I’m messed up, hardly a catch, but he seemed to think so, he wanted messed up, with me, forever, and I - him.

_I will never end up like him_   
_Behind my back, I already am_

A couple of years ago I was screaming obscenities and hatred, I loved him but I hated him, loved to hate him, hated to love him. He was the best and worst thing to ever happen to me, still is. Sometimes he’s all I need, all I crave and some days I want no part in this, I don’t want to be like Robert though I know his quirks and normalities have stuck with me. I find myself choking down Americano coffees like I actually enjoy the taste, sleeping in his old nightshirt and not bothering to skip past his favourite songs on our playlist. I’m trying in every way to erase him, not be like him, not be reminded of him, but how can that be when I am him? I’m not an I, I’m half of a We, We’ll always be Us. 

_You were the last good thing about this part of town_

If it wasn’t for Liv I probably would have gone, upped-sticks and left. Sure, Mum would miss me but she’d get over it, she’d managed before but I couldn’t do that to Liv, make her move from a life she was settled in so I stayed, _we stayed_ in the house, our house where our family was destined to be broken. Adam’s gone now, Victoria’s fallen to pieces, My Mum and Sister are sharing secret glances and I’m sat here thinking about how he’s the only thing keeping me here, even now. 

_A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it_

I swore to myself I’d never end up like him, I’d never be a _Robert_. Never be someone who was so cocksure and arrogant that he could have anyone at the click of his fingers, and he could, _God he could._ I swore I’d never lie, never cheat, never string someone along because I wanted to hide my true feelings, wanted everyone to believe that I wasn’t _that_ person. But here I was doing that exact thing to Alex, stringing him along and hoping he wouldn’t fall for me because I just couldn’t handle that kind of betrayal, having someone fall completely in love with me when my heart belongs… will _always_ belong to someone else. Mum had forced it, her and Liv together in a desperate attempt to force me into getting over Robert, I was the selfish one who carried it on, laying in my bed at night, _our bed, mine and Roberts_ with my head on Alex’s chest trying so desperately to feel something, _anything_ yet all I could do is close my eyes and picture Robert, hovering above me, his taste on my tongue, his kiss on my mouth. 

 

_He tastes like you only sweeter_

Robert knows me inside out, every inch of my skin, every hair on my body. It’s how I know he’s responsible for my incredible birthday present from Alex, it’s how I know that “Best Friends” is his feeble attempt at clinging to whatever we have left, because if that’s all he can get he’ll cling on with both hands, I know - I’ve been there myself. It feels like existing in limbo, trying to fake a normality that isn’t real, I’m not this person, I’m faking smiles and getting through the day because I know at the end of all this I’ll end up back in his arms again, and he knows it too. It’s a waiting game, and with all the time we spent fighting for each other what’s a little extra heartache? We’re good at that. We’re good at hurting, we do it so well. He’ll stay right where he is waiting for the moment I come crawling back and I’ll pretend we’re friends when really he’s the first thought on my mind in a morning and the last name on my lips before I go to sleep. He’s everything, embedded in my every thought, whispers in my ears and goosebumps on my skin. No one knows me like Robert, and no one could ever love Robert like I do. It’s just the finer details that we’re working out, both knowing that the other is barely an inch from falling into the others arms. I can’t wait for the day. 

 

_I got troubled thoughts_   
_And the self-esteem to match_   
_What a catch, what a catch_

 

\--


End file.
